Thank you mom, Selvi Mani

I had to write. A few months ago, my real mother passed. It was my step-mother that informed around 4 a.m. on a Saturday by calling me. That is not why I'm writing this.

I been alright with my relationship with step mother. I followed her rules but definitely not her dreams. She used to try to fire start me by trying to compare with other Indian kids who were doing well in school. But these Indian kids didn't date and I knew they would just marry another Indian girl that was probably arranged by their parents. I wish she would compare me to other American kids but then it would be excuse for me not to do well.

She did get under my skin until I called her Chris Evert's bitch to her and use to all people who get under my skin. They can explain what this means. I don't even know what it means but it works particularly towards ball busters. Those who are honest about it, they embrace it, love it, and roll with it. I love to be Chris Evert's bitch but I'm too lazy to pick on other softies (sorry, Evonne).

Fact was. We both knew weren't each other's. We tried to be normal because we both didn't want to mess with the man. My father; her husband. Though, I never wanted her to be happy with any success. That is why I never blamed her for my failures except when it came to finding friend and girlfriends during my high school years and college. I thought she treated me like a prisoner. I'm considered a softie who had to get strong but I didn't want to be a Indian for it or bring an Indian to this country. I was happy when she said bad things about me. My biggest fear was that she was going to steer me to an Indian girl if I became a success.

However in the last few years, she has changed as has accepted role as a step-mother to me. She has done well of being honest of her position to other Indians particularly to other Indian women who can be very gossipy and vicious with it. I'm very proud of that. I do call her mom even though many times in arguments, I do want to call her by her name; yet, my soft side doesn't allow it.

I don't know if I really had a mother but if I become a success. You know who I will give the credit too. Selvi Mani.